I am pretending to be perfectly okay but I am not. I don't know if I'm going to blame the economy for my depression or not. But partly it has to do with economics. I am depressed because I have no money. I neither have a savings nor a 100 buck in my pocket.I am a bum and actually unemployed is a fitting term for that. I am in the state of poverty. Now I know how poverty affects mentally. I can pretend to be happy but deep inside i am weeping like hell. Though I'm far of committing suicide. Suicide is not an option and it wont even be considered. I know this is just temporary. I need to back on my feet and start seizing the opportunity. I have lots of things to do and i am positive that next year something big will happen.
I am learning.Depression may have a positive impact in my life. I know I'll be leaving this chapter soon. I am grateful and i learn tremendously from it. It made me reflect and be thankful of what i have. i know i am still lucky compared to others. I know this won't deter my dreams. I am constantly in pursuit of my big dreams and i'm slowly seizing it brick by brick. Thank god something positive happened amidst the crisis. I have more to thank of. And i won't complain anymore. Before I love procrastinating and I love blaming game. But its totally different now. I know what I've gone through now it's because of my decision. Although I have great and small plans but it fells through. I've been to a pitfalls of failures. And I'm still savoring it. I am still suffering from it. I don't love it but I have to face it. I have to stand where I fall.
I am coping.One way to cope is to cry. But I was surprised that I never shed tears(although I'm quite emotional). I was thinking maybe this is not worth crying for. I have no other way to cope but to face what causes my depression. I was actually in denial at first but soon it consumes me. I am contemplating, praying hard, and breathing deeply and little by little I did cope. Actually, writing is one way to release stress. Its effective and its convenient. in addition, one way to cope is to SHARE. It's a great avenue to free from depression. And I am thankful that I have friends who has an ear to hear my grievances. And I am more thankful to GOD for the blessings and for the opportunity to live a beautiful life.
